Life is like a box of chocolates...

So, right now it´s 11 00 am. I didn´t go to the Project today because I woke up feeling sick. I don't know whether it's allergies, or a cold, or what... but my throat and head don't feel great... and my stomach isn't doing amazingly either. But that's alright. I slept in and I feel a lot better and rested now.

Monday... Monday was my worst day so far. You have to take the bad with the good, however. When I woke up Monday I was excited to go to the Project. I had gone by myself before and hadn't had a problem, my bike was supposed to be fixed, it was a new day! Well on my third bus I missed my stop at Santa de Fine. I don't know what happened... but when the buses are so full and you really can't see much of anything it's pretty easy to do. I realized it as I started to see landmarks that I did not recognize. I was frustrated and near tears at this point, but I held off on the crying. I arrived to the end of the route in Masaya and wanted to just take the bus on the same route back. But they weren't leaving for awhile. So, I wandered around a bit until a lovely little taxi man asked me, "¿A dondé va?" (Where are you going?). I told him I needed to get to Project Chacocente, and he told me it would be 80 cordoba (divide that by 19.5 and you get dollars, so it really isn't that much money... but a busride is only 8 cordoba). He took me there, and I arrived at 9 05, I usually get there about 8 30 or so... so it really wasn't all too bad. I arrived after the first graders were done with their Spanish, so I didn't get to help my advanced readers. Really, all I did was observe, and that frustrated me even more. I was a little depressed, and I began to feel sorry for myself (which in turn made me more angry). I was here to help people, to be selfless and giving. Not to be depressed and caught up in my self. Sure I would have times where I would be sad and frustrated but just look at what these people have been through! Well those didn't stop how I felt. After missing the bus and Spanish class... I began to miss my family, things about the States, and being able to understand what people said to me. I felt really alone. The kids were all great, as always, but it didn't change my sadness. After school ended Cheryl (Project Director) had come with Gabrielle and Omar to have a meeting with the adults of the Project. I decided I would wait till it was over and talk to Omar and Charito about how I felt. I also really didn't want to get back on the buses yet, or ride my new bike, although I was glad it was fixed! I just wanted to go back to Sabana Grande! I sat in the school cafeteria and had a little pity party as I cried. Then I stopped and was just sitting in the cafeteria window waiting when Evert walked by, he was on his way home. Evert is 10 years old and has the same mannerisms as my little brother Caleb. He hugs me the same way too. Well he came over to me and rested his head on my leg for probably 5 minutes. It was all I could do to choke back tears... I missed my little brother... and my family... and this and that... the thoughts started streaming again. After I said adios to little Evert I began to cry again.

Then Eliam came over. He was a little Godsend. I had never talked to Eliam before, but he just came right up and said "Hola," in a shy way. I responded "Hola" and hoped he would then go away. He did not. So I opened up conversation. His day went well. He was 8 years old and in 3rd grade (awesome!!!). He was waiting for his dad (who was working on some construction) . Then he pulled himself up next to me on the windowsill and pulled out his Spanish book. He wanted me to read to him. So I read a silly little story out of it. Then he wanted another, and another. By the fourth one, I asked him to read. He did it, but he had some troubles. So I was able to help him. He read probably 3 stories as well. It felt so good to help him with his reading, keep him company, and stop thinking about myself. Thank you God for little Eliam! After we were done I was on my way over to sit in a bit on the meeting while I waited for it to end. As I walked over Eliam ran up to me and handed me a butterfly wing. It was orange and black, and absolutely beautiful. I guess it was a kind of "thank you," and I love it!

After the meeting Cheryl asked me if I was going with them. I had trouble answering without crying, and I said that I wanted to and I really didn't feel like taking the buses this afternoon. (I had already told her what had happened that morning... that was before I had started my cry fest). She said that was fine! I was always welcome to come with them. And then Omar came over and asked if I was going to ride my bike. I broke down. He left to go take care of my bike and Charito just hugged me. She held me close and said to me "You're so courageous." I didn't feel courageous at all. I felt like I was being childish and selfish. I felt like I'd given up. But she comforted me. The whole trip in the truck she just chatted away about anything, but she didn't pressure me to express what I was feeling or to open up anything that would make me break down again. She knew why I had been crying, she understood that I was frustrated. A little fact about me is that I don't cry very often. I cry whenever I'm very frustrated. Before Monday, the last time I had cried was last January, because I received an 87% on a paper, that was probably the best paper I'd ever written (that's another story). So, I was long overdue for tears I'm sure, but I'm not a practiced cryer.

On the way home we stopped at Papa John's... Mejor Ingredientes. Mejor pizza. (yes they have a Papa John's here!!!) for a snack of cheesesticks and I had a sweet tea (it was really good!). Charito talked to me a bit about this idea she has for what I'll be doing at the Project... something more than just helped 1st graders read. She wants to start a kind of Club for the girls. Here in Nicaragua when a girl is about 13 or 14, some boy will tell her he loves her, she'll marry him, have a baby or two or more... and then he'll leave her. She's stuck with children, and no way to support them. She wants these girls to have opportunity. She wants them to go to college, to University, to have options (even here in this poverty stricken country). She doesn't know what the curriculum will be, we might do some dance, or some music, anything to give the young girls something outside of school and home. I'm so excited for it! (And I wish I hadn't been sick this morning because Charito is at the Project today, and she and I need to make a lunch date to put the curriculum together. But, I think health is probably a top priority. )
So that was the end of my unpleasant day ... there was definitely some positive in it though, but overall I felt horrible. When I returned home and was asked how my day went I responded that it wasn't good. And my lovely family didn't pressure me for answers. They understood that it would be difficult sometimes. I was fed, I went to church, I hung out with the youth, and I went to bed. I did not want to get up in the morning.

Tuesday I was nervous. I did not want to repeat the day before. I went as usual with Guillen and Rafael by bus to Zona Franca where they work. Guillen waited with me until I caught the bus to Tipitapa. I got there without a problem. I got on the bus to Masaya. And I was nervous. I had a seat near the front and could see well. I was still nervous. I was sitting up straight the whole time. I had told the bus driver and the money collecter that I had to get off at Santa del Fine. But I kept thinking I would miss it. I didn't. I got off at the right stop, walked across the street and picked up my bike. My bike is wonderful, it is fixed! There are some parts on the path where it's pretty difficult. Being out of practice on a bike made it annoying at points. But I made it without falling or any serious bike maintenance problems (Thank you God and Juan Carlos). I was soaking with sweat, because it was so hot... but I felt wonderful.
I walked into the class and was attacked by 14 1st graders. They all came running and shouting "¡Profe Rebekah!" Then they all hugged me at once and I nearly fell over! The day went well, I helped with Math and anything else they were having trouble with. I played with them during the lunch hour. A really bad storm started up, so the kids were sent home not long after lunch. I'm not sure that it rained, so I think it was a heat storm. Verma the English/Art teacher was correcting the English grammar to someone's translation. It was horrible. I don't know who did it, or what it was for, but it looked like they stuck it in a free online translator. Verma isn't really an English nerd, like me. So I kind of took it over. Then I translated a two page document from Spanish into English for the same person who had written the previous. I don't know why I was doing it, but I'm glad to have helped. I learned a few more words in Spanish that way! And it made me feel better about my language skills and more useful.

While I was doing this Juan was working on some Spanish. Juan is 15, and he doesn't read very well. He was working on about first or second grade Spanish consonants. I could see he was frustrated, and embarrassed. But he kept at it. It rips at my heart to see that. He should be a sophomore in High School not learning how to read. And it isn't that he doesn't want to learn. If he didn't, he wouldn't be there struggling with his consonants! Please remember Juan in your prayers.

At about 300 I left the Project, and had a lovely bike ride back to the road. I waited for a caught the bus, and got off, and caught the next, and got off and walked through the Market. While I was waiting for the Sabana Grande bus at Zona Franca, Pastor Pablo's brother came up to me. I had recognized him from the church, but I didn't know he was Pablo's brother. He kept me company, directed me to the right bus (since it was his too), and made sure the bus people knew I was getting off at the church. He also kept conversation going with me. It was great to practice some more. I arrived at the house tired, but in a great mood! I enjoyed my dinner and then I helped Jereson (I think that's his name) with some chords to a praise song on the keyboard.

In worship last night I read La Lectura. The Bible reading. It was a surprise because Pablo had said that I would be reading sometime, but he didn't say when or what (and he seemed to have forgotten that). I had to pray after reading Psalm 1, and I at first I was nervous until he told me that I could pray in English because God understands everything. That made me relax, and I read Salmos 1 in slow Spanish. But I did it, and it was great to be a part of the service. I went to bed fulfilled... and happy to be here serving God.

I'm going to have bad days. I'm 18 years old, in a country thousands of miles from home, I've been away from home alone longer than ever before (Friday marks one month that I have not slept in my bed), I don't speak the language perfectly yet, my diet's changed, my schedule's changed, the climate is different, the customs are different, and riding buses is not always a great experience. But regardless of the difficulties, I am here with a purpose, and as it is beginning to unfold I feel even more content and at home...

Pablo told me last week, I don't need to be nervous. If I felt God calling me here, then He will walk with me.